The Collision of Change and Denial

If I tell someone that their identity formed over many years of their life and that it has created the results of their life, they may believe me. If I also tell them that their identity or identities can be reformed or changed, they may agree with me again. Then when I tell them what’s involved with that change, a whole different reaction occurs.

Here lies the work of potentiation and the fit: creating identities that are a better fit for you. This process of change will come up against denial. I liken it to wearing out an old outfit. You loved it for many years, it felt great and brought compliments. Somehow over those years that outfit became a part of your unconscious habitual life and now you continue to wear it even though it is tattered, no longer accentuates your figure and—without your knowledge—has become the brunt of secret jokes at family gatherings. “Will Natalie show up with that same old blouse?” And the wagers begin to go into the pot. Now, one could argue that it doesn’t really matter what others think, but that’s not my point here. I am talking about living out your life in a way that no longer fits you and doesn’t activate your potential. You hold on to it while at the same time begrudgingly acknowledging you are dissatisfied with how your life is going.

Identities express who we are and facilitate how we potentiate our being. These tools of your expression, whether it’s your broken hairbrush that is caked with dead hair or the job that you feel stuck in, serve as the vehicles for our growth. But identities activate our potential only when they fit us. So here you are unconsciously living your life with an old habit of identity. This habitual way of living remains in control until you say otherwise. To take control back, you must create powerful, deliberate, and intentional changes. Here is where change meets denial. At this intersection, the necessity of change and the previous/current realities of how you got where you are hit head on in a far greater collision of reality than you will admit. Like a car accident, but with less obvious blood involved, in some cases. Now, when you are confronted with the requirements of change you may immediately deny the need for the ambulance. Change can present shock, a total disruption to your system. That road you were going down can be continued upon, but without awareness of the necessity of change you are going to end up in the same location as similar accidents continue to happen. And in some cases, you will have even worse results than the initial accident as you are forced to face the pains of required change. Do keep in mind that there are no accidents in this process. Those collisions are a part of human nature.

As I work with people to facilitate the creation of new identities or the evolution of old ones, this remains the greatest challenge you and I face. Recently, a client told me in one breath that the fit didn’t really work (The FIT is the process and software program I use in my work as a consultant, or as I refer to myself, a potentiator), then in the very next breath had to admit that she was receiving far more business than she ever had and directly related that to using the fit. Or as I would put it: she was in her FIT. How could that flip-flop have been so extreme? It results from not having discerned yet all the variables that are working in unison around how her identities were forming. The brain depends on its neuropathways (habits) to run our business (see the work of Joe Dispenza to get a great detailed understanding of how this neurological process works). Your identities are well informed, they have functions, and you are dependent on them, so when you engage in a change process to build a new identity guess what? Brain pathways resist and defend their existence! And in practical terms, so do you. Thus occurs the proverbial purposeful accident.

Even when people initially learn the power of the brain’s strength, a denial still prevails. Why? Because the brain can and does perpetuate it. I find it very important to understand this basic tenet: The brain has the capacity for denial. Keep this simple; you will save so much time and energy. I can tell you this and I know you will still resist. But I am going to say it repeatedly: let go, stop denying that your brain has built pathways that control you for good or bad. Change has worth to you, and if you haven’t validated that for yourself then I am not sure you will ever truly get in your fit and activate your potential. You say you want change, yet you deny the tenets of human change, start there! One of my favorite books is “Start Where You Are” by Chris Gardner. Read it. You will find a guide to your change process. Can you imagine a world where you have integrated the reality of what change takes? Oh my, how different your world would be and the great identities you could create for yourself. When the reality of the tenets of change collide with the habitual identities we have formed over time, an incredible accident occurs. And really, there are no accidents (as cliché as that sounds). When you embrace change, your awareness of change as a part of your humanity begins to exponentially activate your true potential. This intersection forms and informs your identities. So potentiate yourself… and call the ambulance please!